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I miss my excuse, how do I get on?

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Dear Network Doctor

I am writing to you, as I am very, very difficult to get on after a break with my ex-boyfriend. We have a daughter in four years together, so I have to keep in touch with her.

I still feel a lot of sadness and a void inside of over a year after the break. I spend an extremely long time almost every day thinking of my excuse and how it could have ended and so on. It simply runs around my head with the same questions and the same answers every day.

I am hugely sorry for the way it ended and that our little family was broken up. It has gradually reached a point where it affects my overall life happiness. I also feel in many ways that I have lost my general motivation and the "drive" I had when we were together, which affects me both privately and in my job search.

I have been seriously considering psychological help, but my finances are very limited, as I currently receive unemployment benefit.

Therefore, my question is how should I move on and regain the joy of life and everyday life?

Yours sincerely

One Question

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Dear Questions

Thank you for your letter and very well that you express your feelings of sadness after a broken relationship. It matters a lot about how to end a relationship, and I understand that you and your ex-boyfriend have not been told goodbye to each other. Therefore, you are so hard now and can not concentrate on other things in your life. You've lost motivation to get a job, you can enjoy yourself and you may be too much alone about your grief about the broken relationship. So what you need is a "sad work" that recognizes you are sad that the relationship could not last and is now completed so that you gradually accept your situation as a single and father to your child.

First of all, you must take care of yourself now and simply be good at yourself in the way that you provide good diet and daily exercise. If you want to regain your energy, it's a good place to start your body - Find out what kind of exercise you like: Go for walks, run, play football, swim or anything else you've liked that you release some of your sad thoughts and open your eyes to other aspects of life.

In addition, it can mean a lot of talk to others - family and friends, and there will always be some of them who have experienced something similar and that can support and encourage you to move on. Make sure to meet new people, new activities that may interest you.

The next thing I would advise you to address is: To say goodbye to your boyfriend. I do not know if you are on a speech footer, which I hope, because you still have a shared parenting over your child. You could write a letter to her where you tell me that you are sad with the break that you say goodbye to her and thank her for everything you've had together that you have accepted the farewell with her and you want to talk to her about how you can be parents together in the future.

If you have the opportunity to get a third person who is neutral, join in a conversation and it may be a common friend, whom you both trust, but perhaps a trained conflict broker, it can be a great help.

I wish you to regain your energy again and hope that you make use of some of my suggestions.

Best wishes

Birgitte Winkel

Cohabitation Therapist and Social Adviser


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