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I often play happy with others, but it's not - what do I do?

Questions:

I am a healthy young man of 24 years. I live with my girlfriend and my little daughter.

The following words can describe my person: tired, rarely happy, sometimes nervous, inverted, make good friends, sometimes aggressive, indecisive, perfectionist, getting bad at defeat, easy to get bad conscience, good dad, good caretaker school, bad social life, middle / bad sex life and feel better if I'm alone. I often play, to others, proud, happy and a person with lots of self-confidence, but inside is / I do not. I also feel that others do not have respect for me.

I have never been the quiet shy type who in the classroom has put her in the corner and saved me. On the contrary, I have NEVER been the talkative kind. I "do not say much".

I love my parents and I'm raised with a 5 year old brother and a sister younger than me. We brothers no longer live under the same roof. These words about my brother: He is dominant, has lots of self-esteem, good at school, lazy, has a bad social life, no boyfriend has had, can be violent / violent (but rarely), has no conscience and does not care itself. I also think he is a psychopath.

I have a "police-like" job that makes me have a lot of public contact, to resolve conflicts of others, and to "order" with others daily. My problem is that I can get very nervous / insecure, for example. when I only talk to others. And when that happens, I often lose "control" of what I say (mix words or say stupid things). I'm fine if I only talk to one person. Then there is no problem and I feel I'm in control of the "problem". I also feel that when I talk to others, I must always remind myself of the problem and that I constantly keep track of it.

I can also easily get nervous if I, for example. meet an unexpected person in the supermarket. I'm getting nervous because I feel I have nothing to say. I might say something, but I'm nervous and feel that the person seems to be "stupid". At times, I feel like crying (eg, a sad movie, sad song, etc.). BUT, do not. I just feel the feeling in my body. I do not like my person. How can I get respect for myself. It will probably solve many of my problems...

2 year old.

Reply:

Dear 2 year old.

You enter "category": anxiety, depression and mental health problems. It's probably true that you're afraid, afraid not to turn to, but you do not describe "anxiety", it's something else for me. You also have no depression as far as I can estimate your words, but you are not happy for yourself or for your life.

What I first got the impression was that you are somewhat immature, but it's not so strange when I look at your age. You've probably come up with your life with both boyfriend and child. You would have liked to try a little more of life before you tied up.

Mon your dominant 5 year old brother has held you down when you lived with him? You say he has lots of confidence, good at school and lazy. Nor does he have a good social life and no boyfriend has had. It's worse that he's violent and no conscience, you think he's psychopathic. Again, it's his age, he's only 29 years old, and he's going to grow up too soon, before the preaching psychopath will be put on him.

It may be that your insecurity also comes from being the middle child. The middle child is often hugged between the small and the big because in childhood, when something was fun, it was too small, but when something was to be done, one was the middle child big enough. Try the library to get "Understand your origin and stay free" by Oluf Martensen-Larsen and Kirsten S?rrig. It's from 1991. Perhaps you can get it through an understanding of yourself. I also think that you should try to find a course in gestalt therapy. Unfortunately, I do not know where you live, but call the University of Aalborg and ask where you can attend such a course. Your girlfriend and your little girl are not served by the fact that you are not happy these years where you should enjoy being daddy and girlfriend and being young, with many years in front of you, is a pity to spoil, they never come again. I do not know if it can comfort you that many young people feel like you in a period of their lives - they have an existential problem - which means, say a little square, that you do not think your life is meaningful. But it's yours, now you have a child.

Sincerely

Karen Zimsen


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