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I'm married but attracted to another woman

Questions:

Dear Network Doctor,

I'm married to a lovely girl who is 8 years younger than me. I have everything I wish for both cohabitation and material goods. However, I sometimes suffer from erectile dysfunction. It is remedied with Cialis, and really has nothing to do with my question - it's more about emotions.

Recently I was on a course where I talked to a female colleague. We talked most of the night together. We both wanted each other, but agreed to leave, so it was only for kisses and hugs. By the way, we won each other's respect.

It has been 2 weeks since the course, and we speak the same day every day. mobile phone. We have promised each other that we need it for a good friendship, but every time we talk together or see each other we are wildly lit. I'm going to get it bad, the mood is running up and down, and she's the same way - we miss each other.

I would really like to tell my wife that I have had a good friend. My wife and I work in the same subject, and they can not be avoided. My wish is really a good friendship with my colleague. But it is difficult to explain that it is a woman.

Yours sincerely, C.

Reply:

Dear C,

I understand that it may be tempting to start a relationship with the woman you have recently met and that you turn on. I greatly respect you for the fact that you did not start a sexual relationship immediately after getting the good contact.

You are married to a woman you love and there is nothing in your letter that indicates that you want a divorce from your wife. This could be a consequence if you start a relationship with the other woman - and are you prepared to risk it?

You write that you have erectile dysfunction. Could you be curious to test if this would also be the case with the other woman? There may be other options for testing your dysfunction - for example, by having a thorough talk with your doctor.

Before you do any further, I suggest asking yourself some questions: Do you have "real" intentions with the other woman - or are you more on a little adventure? Is your sex life with your wife a little routine - and could you talk to her about how she experiences your sex life? Since you turn on the other, you may want something in your relationship with your wife. It could therefore be an opportunity that you experiment with making your sex life more exciting.

Once you have been resolved on these issues, you could talk to "the other", ie your colleague - if you could keep your relationship on the friendly level - unless you decide to drop your otherwise good marriage. If there is really good trust between you and your wife, you could divorce her openly that you have had a good relationship with your colleague and maybe you could meet all three and talk about your good feelings for each other.

Even if you have loving feelings for someone else, it does not mean that you need to initiate a sexual relationship.

Yours sincerely

Birgitte Winkel

Relationship Expert


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